So, I said yesterday that I’ve made a new goal for this year to try to discover and indulge some of my passions more. This didn’t just come into my head over breakfast though, it’s something that I’ve been struggling with for a very long time.
If you’ve read my 10 things post, you know that I was very much an “art kid” in high school and really for my whole life up until that point and then suddenly got really burned out with it and decided not to go to art school for college right as the year ended. But not only did I realize that I didn’t want art as a career anymore, I completely lost my passion for it. In the 9+ years since I graduated from high school I haven’t created a single piece of art for my own enjoyment. I’ve done pieces for family members and quick pieces to fill space on a wall in a bleak apartment, but nothing for myself or made purely out of my own passion.
So there’s that, but then there’s also another problem. I don’t know how to explain it without the risk of sounding like I just want to compliment myself and impress people, but I assure you that I’m not trying to be smug.
It’s this: Growing up, I was always one of the smartest people I knew. I won’t go into detail about what all made me feel that way, all I know is that I don’t feel that way so much anymore.
I haven’t felt truly intelligent in years, and I desperately I want to feel that way again. Not smugly though, I don’t need to feel smarter than others, I just want to feel like I have a breadth of knowledge that allows me to contribute to interesting conversations better, bring up new ideas, and command a bit of respect for my authority on some topics. I don’t think I should be ashamed for wanting to feel like I know things again.
This year I’m going to try to discover new interests and indulge old ones to a greater degree in an effort to learn as much as I can. That’s why Jeff and I are getting more into tea, we are both trying to become damn near experts on our teas of choice and on tea in general. I have many, many other projects I’m going to work on this year as well to help me learn more and be more creative and I’ll talk about those things as they come up.
So, I declare this year to be about self-improvement for me. I hope that I can come out of it feeling like a more well-rounded, confident, and interesting person. I hope that I can use the knowledge that I gain this year to affect real change in my life. I want to learn about things I’m interested in as well as things I find totally uninteresting, but important. I want to create art again. I want to try new things. I want to use my brain.
What about you? What part of yourself needs to be indulged more?
I understand the art thing. Even though I do graphic design for a living and that’s art related, aside from photography, I don’t spend any time doing art for fun. I used to love to draw and I never do it anymore.
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There’s no shame at all in wanting to grow your brainpower and feel the confident surge that comes with knowing you have a wide intellect.
As for your art, I’ve had similar troubles with my poetry I haven’t written a poem in well over a year, and I only wrote a handful in the year or two before that. I used to write daily…now all my “writing energy” is taken up by blogging! Someday, though, I’d like to get back to it.
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My husband went to art school and now does it for a living…there is no fun in it for him right now. I swear, the best days around here, are the ones when he feels good about the work he is done. Then he sends it to the art director and they make the stupidest changes just to put their stink on it. It is so frustrating! I think you should definitely indulge in things and learn more. I feel the same way as I get older. I like being able to learn more about foods now. I went to culinary school, but what I learned there does not translate into the allergen friendly food world. I am taking this opportunity to enjoy what I am learning.
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