Sorry there was no post yesterday. I’ve been kind of in a funk lately and I think this post will explain why…
If you’ve read my About Me page, you know that I just started my journey towards health early this year. It really hasn’t been that long since I was never exercising and never thinking more about what to put in my mouth than wether or not it was delicious.
When I started working out and paying more attention to what I ate, I found that I was also really enjoying learning about different topics related to food and health. I read nearly every book written by Michael Pollan, I read Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer, I watched Food Inc., and I saw the various documentaries extolling the health virtues of a plant-based diet.
I was looking for a message about health in all this media and was moved by what I saw. What I didn’t expect though, is that I would be equally moved by the issues of animal rights and animal cruelty.
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If only a year and a half ago you had asked me my thoughts on alternative eating practices such as vegetarianism and veganism, I wouldn’t have had many nice things to say about them. I probably would have just made a joke about crazy hippies and praised the deliciousness of bacon. Now though, I am that person that I would have made fun of before.
I don’t remember exactly when it happened, but at some point earlier this year it hit me that I wasn’t comfortable eating meat anymore. The idea of being a vegetarian actually didn’t seem that difficult, I was sure that if I were to never eat meat again that I would get over it pretty quickly. I started playing around with reducing my meat consumption a little bit here and a little bit there and found that the less I ate it the less I wanted it. There was just one problem: my husband and I differ in our wants, needs, and opinions about food.
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It’s easy to say “Alayna, you have the right to make your own choices about what you put into your body and the differing wants or opinions of your husband are not good enough reasons to eat something if you feel ethically opposed to it.” I hear ya, I really do. I have said that to myself many times in my own head and couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t go through with it. I’ve been beating myself up inside for many months every time I ate a piece of meat to make my husband feel comfortable, and I realize now that I never even needed to do that.
I guess what it all boils down to is that I was afraid of being a burden on Jeff, who I love so much. I cook all of our dinners and many of our weekend breakfasts and lunches and I really enjoy preparing these meals. I didn’t want my choices to become his choices simply because I was choosing what to cook. I also didn’t want to burden myself with trying to prepare two different dishes at every mealtime. I realize now that these aren’t good enough reasons to compromise my food beliefs and I’m ready to work harder to figure out how to accomodate both of us at the dinner table.
Anyway, we had a long overdue discussion about all of this and I’m feeling much better about it now. Jeff is so sweet and understanding; I don’t know why I thought he couldn’t handle me trying vegetarianism. It all seems so silly when I think about it now. I’m finally ready to make a greater shift towards a vegetarian diet knowing that it’s not going to cause a division between us.
I don’t want anyone to think that I look down on you if you choose to eat meat or that I think you can’t be healthy and still eat meat. It’s a personal choice I’ve made based on my own feelings and I fully respect yours. This isn’t going to turn into a strictly vegetarian blog either, I’m still going to cook for my husband and I’ll probably be just as eager to show off my meat-filled meals as my meatless ones.
If anyone has any tips for how you deal with accommodating differences at the dinner table without losing your mind, please fill me in!
I was so interested in reading about your experience and decision to embrace a vegetarian diet. I’ve been a veggie of sorts a long while and have often wondered of the transition to veganism, but am often nervous at the rift it may cause in my relationship with my husband, who already has embraced a demi-vegetarian diet (namely fish), but veganism would be a huge step.
I’ve been able to manage Christmas dinner without too much problems too, I will have all the vegetable trimmings, but in place of turkey I will have a veggie loaf and for my husband we will purchase a few slices of Turkey. And when meat and two veg eating family members come over, its not been too much of problem. You learn. Although the recipes on my blog are namely vegetarian (and sometimes vegan), the emphasis is namely on seasonal vegetables and their versatility. I think we need to appreciate the diversity of vegetables more. Warm wishes on your culinary journey.
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Thanks so much. I don’t know if I’ll ever be totally sure which foods are going to stay in my diet and which are out, I forsee that changing many times over the next few months and years as I figure out what works for me. I’m looking forward to the day when I can look back on all this and wonder why I thought it was so hard!
Great post, girl. Makes me rethink my habits, too. I use the same “excuses” but then wonder if I REALLY want to go vegetarian. So much to think about. Thanks for opening up this internal dialouge for me!
My husband eats meat and I eat fish and seafood on occasion but not anything else. I basically cook vegetarian in our house. Sometimes he’ll eat what I cook, sometimes he’ll add meat and sometimes he’ll eat something completely different. I figure that it’s not going to hurt him to eat vegetarian some days. But if he wants to eat meat, tha’ts his choice, I’m just not going to make it. When we go out to eat, he gets whatever he wants.
It’s been an issue because I don’t want Jeff to make his own meals, cooking is something I love and I want to do it. I have no problem cooking meat for him I just don’t want cooking to become work for me, and cooking separate meals might feel like work. Jeff loves the vegetarian meals I make, he just doesn’t want them every night and especially not after he gets home from the gym and really needs the extra protein. It’s gonna be an adjustment but a worthwhile one.
I am like you that I love cooking and experimenting with different foods, but once I made the final decision to go vegetarian I really didn’t want to have to touch meat anymore. I respect the fact that you still want to do this for your husband, I just can’t stomach it lol If it gets to that point for you, what about letting Jeff help you out in the kitchen? Cooking together can be fun! Let him fix his meat in the pan next to you, while you fix the other ‘half’ of the meal. It’s a good time to talk about your day and relax a bit.
My husband is now eating only seafood and no other meats, I do a lot of stir fry, that you can easily cook the veggies in one pan and then shrimp or whatever meat Jeff would like to add into the mix in another pan.
If you’re into italian food at all, you can make a lot of those dishes separately and then mix some of the sauce in with his portion at the end and let it simmer for a few minutes.
Mexican too, I love love love burritos. Prepare all the ingredients separately and then add your own toppings! Works well for burritos, tacos and taco salads
Hope these are the kinds of suggestions you’re looking for! It would suck to have to try to cook 2 meals
Thanks for your suggestions. Jeff and I have talked before about him having a greater role in the kitchen. He’s very happy to learn how to make things and give me a night off every now and again but it’s very difficult to teach him anything with the way I cook. It even starts at the market, I have no idea what I’m going to buy or what I’m going to make with it until I get there, or sometimes not even until I start cooking! And at that point, I never measure anything, I just know what amounts are appropriate. Whenever Jeff and I cook together we spend most of the time going back and forth about how much of this to put in and how much of that, and I really don’t have the answers in measurements, I just have to watch him pour something and say “stop” when that’s enough. That doesn’t teach him anything and doesn’t make my job easier when I would rather just do it myself. (We’re both control freaks.)
I tried making the same dish in two pans last night, his with meat and mine with tofu, and it wasn’t terribly difficult. Maybe if I can just pre-chop vegetables and put them in plastic storage containers that might make the whole process easier. I don’t know. Thank you again for your helpful tips, especially about the burritos, I think that could be awesome!
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I really want to applaud you for tackling the topic with your husband! You have every right to prepare and eat what you enjoy and what makes you comfortable. It’s funny how we worry about the “comfort” factor of meat – nobody says “gosh, I HATE green beans and they make me sick, but my significant other likes eating them, and I don’t want to reflect poorly on him or make him think I don’t love him, so I better keep on fixing them…” Ya know? I’m really, really glad you had that talk. I’m betting meat-eating isn’t high on his list of Important Things In Life – he can handle a cutdown in the meat in your house, right? I bet he’ll enjoy it more than he even expects.
I don’t know if you remember reading my boyfriend Matt’s post, but he was meat & potatoes guy when I met him, too…and look what happened.
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That’s what’s so weird about all this is that Jeff is not a meat and potatoes guy. I’ve already cut down the meat consumption in our house pretty considerably and he agrees that people in general should be eating less meat than most are. He loves the vegetarian meals I make he just doesn’t want to be a vegetarian himself, and I’m not trying to make that choice for him by only making vegetarian food at dinner. I guess I was afraid that Jeff might feel like I’m turning into someone other than who he married. I didn’t want our meals to be so stressful as to cause other problems too. We’re both foodies and love to go to restaurants and try things no one else will try, I didn’t want to give up those fun experiences we have together. I guess it all boils down to- I don’t want my choices to burden him in any way and I don’t want them to make my life more difficult either. It’s just going to be a learning experience to figure out how to make it work without frustrating each other or ourselves.
I think you’ll figure it out as you go along. Don’t stress It’ll all work out for the tasty best.
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I’ve never wanted to go full on vegetarian. I simply enjoy meat too much to do that. I crave it and like the way it tastes! BUT, I have read Michael Pollan books and Food, Inc and find it important to reduce my consumption and I eat a lot more meatless meals thatn I used to. Also, I try to participate in Meatless Monday’s as much as I can.
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I’m not gonna lie, I still find most meats delicious. I don’t have an “all or nothing mentality” about it though, every choice we make to reduce suffering makes a difference! You are absolutely making a difference just by reducing your consumption.
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i was a lacto-ovo vegetarian for 5 years, now i’m a pescetarian who doesn’t eat dairy (except for milk in my cereal because how could you live without?) i definitely know what it’s like to have a different diet than your spouse. my husband is also a pescetarian but he’s still learning to enjoy fruit and vegetables so dinner can be a challenge. mind you, i’m also a *burden* to him when he wants to go to the pub and i would rather not because everything is usually fried. in marriage you learn to compromise, that’s for sure!
sounds like your husband is understand though, that’s great that you had the discussion!
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